A tribute to Mum, by Adam Boyden Hello everyone. Firstly let me say Thank You all for coming to Mum’s service, and to the family and friends unable to make it in person who are watching online, including from the USA, Canada and Switzerland. Thanks to my wife Georgina, and to Leanne, Emma and Claudio and others for the flowers, and for all your support to Mum over the years. This is a difficult day because even though Mum was 92, I thought we had a few more years left, because Mum was still young at heart and enjoying life. I was very lucky to have had such a wonderful devoted caring and loving mother for 52 years. Mum was also a caring and devoted wife to my Dad, George, and they had 34 years of happy marriage. A lot happened before I came along. Mum was an only child, born in 1931 in a cottage at Newfield Hall, near Malham in Yorkshire where her parents worked for the High Sherriff. When she was 3 the family moved to Stockport, Cheshire, to run a dairy, where Mum helped collect the milk from farms and deliver it to the neighbourhood every morning, initially with a horse and cart. Mum was 8 when she heard war declared on the radio in 1939, and she grew up with rationing, hosting family members evacuated from London, the threat of bombing, and hearing of friends being killed. One afternoon she came face to face with a blonde haired German pilot flying very low over the houses, which was very scary. Sadly, home was not always a happy place and Mum and her mother Daisy left in the middle of the night after her father became violent to her mother, seeking sanctuary with the local vicar before finding somewhere to live locally. Mum was always very close to her mother, before and after that. Later they moved to Manchester, and then in 1951 to Hendon, north London, where her mother’s family lived. Mum quickly became very close to cousin Gwen and her husband Owen who had been in the RAF navigating Mosquito planes during the war. Gwen’s best friend Mollie from Minchenden School had an older brother George, and soon after they met in Gwen’s front garden, he stopped his car to talk as she was waiting for a bus. Mum told me “he asked me out, of course, as he liked the ladies!”, and they went for a drink, fell in love, and married at Christ Church, Southgate in 1959. They lived in Ulleswater Road with Dad’s mother and sister initially, and then Lakeside Road in 1971 when I came along. Mum had to wait for the surgeon to have his lunch before she could give birth, so it was a long day! I know Mum was excited and scared to be a mother, I think especially after her miscarriage with baby Claire in 1963. Mum worried how she would cope and whether she would be a good mother… she needn’t have worried. Mum and Dad became part of a large extended group of family and friends. Colleagues, neighbours, and my friends, who are here today, became Mum’s and Dad’s friends, and good friends became family. Home was a happy and welcoming place for everyone. Mum was devoted and caring to me and Dad who’d had rheumatoid arthritis since he was 10. Our large family and friends group had picnics, and birthday parties at least once a month, and there was plenty of cake, and music - some of you will remember the Birdie Song, and the Hokey Cokey being played. Having fun and looking after each other, that’s what it’s all about! Mum worked hard, getting her first job at 17 as a shorthand typist in an engineering firm in Stockport, and she worked for over 40 years in shorthand typing, secretarial and book keeping jobs, gathering new friends at each place. I remember Mum doing three jobs at once to help make the family ends meet, while looking after me and Dad, including as a secretary at my secondary school – so I could never be naughty as Mum would hear about it! As Dad’s health deteriorated in the early 1990s, due to Parkinsons disease, we needed some help. Crossroads Care Enfield soon came to help us to allow us to have a break. We were so impressed, that Mum worked for Crossroads as a care attendant for several years after Dad died (and so did I), and Mum then worked for Age UK until she was 70. Her colleague and friend Moira writes, “Barbara my dear friend you may have departed from this Earth but you will live on in my memory and everyone else’s who knew you. You were a kind, gentle, thoughtful woman, always thinking of other people and helping them if you could. We met when we worked for Crossroads and soon became friends. We were two of the magnificent seven who worked for Crossroads to begin with. We rode off in cars, not white horses, to go and visit people in their homes to assist them in any way we could…. It has been a pleasure for me to be one of your friends. Thank you Barbara.” Moira also remembers the happy evenings spent ‘square dancing’ with Moira and dance partner Peter, which involved wearing big frilly skirts! Mum also loved crosswords, and reading, and going out for meals with friends and family, so we are going to one of her favourite places next. When I was growing up we did not have much money but there was always a summer holiday in Devon. Mum and Dad would also tell me of their adventures in the 50s and 60s through France and Spain, always with friends and family, and some of the scrapes they got into, including at a haunted house and various bars and restaurants, usually involving wine! We went to France and Spain again in the 1980s, and after retirement Mum holidayed with friends again, went to see Dad’s cousin John and Joy in the USA, and had several cruises with Doreen, Moira and Owen. Her last overseas holiday was with me in Spain in 2016, although sadly the rain in Spain did not stay on the plain! Mum definitely loved her holidays. Mum was also adventurous. Doreen, her friend for 70 years, recalls, “…Another time, Barbara borrowed a motor-bike from a friend, got her licence and rode it all alone up to where she was born ((Yorkshire!) and back down a week later. Such courage…!! I shall definitely miss Barbara after 70 years of friendship." Growing up Mum joined the local church youth club and enjoyed many long walks and trips to the Lake and Peak Districts. Later in life, she had a ride in a hot air balloon, a flight in a small Cessna plane, ran the Sport Aid 10km charity race in London with me, did a sponsored swim, and abseiled down a tall building to raise funds for the Red Cross. Mum spent 30 years volunteering with the Red Cross as a first aider and fundraiser, with hundreds of duties all over London, giving first aid emergency cover for events such as VE day, Buckingham Palace garden parties and West End shows. Now, I knew Mum loved the Queen, but I didn’t think she loved Queen the band, but as she must have seen the show We Will Rock You on Red Cross duties dozens of times, I think she must have done! The Red Cross have kindly sent a letter and certificate of recognition for her long service. Mum was very good at making very good friendships that lasted a lifetime, and she took on the care of friends and family who needed help in whatever way they needed it. Recently it was her turn to receive care in her old age – (“Less of the old!” she would say), after a stroke in 2019, the onset of dementia, and several trips to hospital, so I organised round the clock live in care for her in her own home, where she wanted to be. She could have friends and neighbours round, and go out and about as she liked, with help, and have great birthday parties. So I want to say a big thank you to the carers and friends who have sustained her with care, love and attention to give Mum a great life, particularly in recent years, Leanne, Emma, Jill, Kevin and Judy, Claudio, Samantha, Sofia, Annette and many others. Claudio has written, “Thanks for being this amazing person in my life. Most of the time you were happy, kind and very funny. There wasn’t a single person who didn’t like you, in fact, most people and friends loved you very much. It was a privilege to be your carer, because I learned a lot with you lady. You weren’t just someone I looked after, you became like a mother to me, and thanks for adopting me in your heart too. … We had such a great and fun time here. Lots of time out and about. I’ll treasure all our memories for the rest of my life.” Emma, whose family lived next door to us in Lakeside Road, pays this tribute, “My wonderful Auntie Barbara, I’ve never known life without your love, support and warmth. Your bravery, patience and love for life were just a few of the qualities I will always remember. Uncle George taught me how to tell the time and tie my shoe laces and you gave me a second home, a place I always felt safe and loved. It didn’t matter what time it was you were always there for me, Nanny and Mum. Blood might make you related but love makes you family and you were and always will be mine. I am so grateful I had you in my life for as long as I did. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, I love you and miss you beyond words.” Mum also loved and was very proud of her three grandchildren, Seb, Primrose and Posy, and loved talking to them and hearing about what they had been up to. Recently I played Mum a recording of Primrose’s piano recital at her school and Mum told Primrose how wonderful her playing was. In January, with help, I moved Mum from Winchmore Hill to Frome in Somerset to a lovely flat, so I could see her every day. We had a good 5 weeks there and she became settled and happy, going to the park next door, and joining in activities with her neighbours in the common living room downstairs. She loved seeing our dog Bluebell so much, she wanted a dog of her own one day, as she always had when she was little! Sadly we did not have very long, as another stroke took her from us and sent her to sleep. I stayed by her side in hospital every day holding her hand and playing music, with Claudio, for three days, and she fell finally asleep peacefully in the morning of the 29th February, listening to classical music. We are all sad here today, because her wonderful life ended, and it still feels too soon, but we grieve because we loved. Mum, you were an amazing mother, grandmother, wife to Dad, daughter to your Mum, ‘Auntie Barbara’ and friend to so many, we will miss you, but we must be happy that you lived and that we had the privilege of knowing you for as long as we did. Mum, you would say, you’ve got to make the best of it, and I think you did. Thank You. Adam, 26th March 2024

Looking back with fond memories of Barbara, at all the re-unions we have had over the years with all the family parties.

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